ok its been waaay longer than i promised! :(

Ok a lot of things have been going on but all little things that i havent take time to mention. However i have an answer to pray as of today! :) a while back i blogged about the lower ack pain i have been having and my fears in relation to that. Well a week or two back i finally saw a doctor about it after putting it off for two + years. Anywho he confirmed that i did have a minor case of scoliosis but that it really wasn't anything to be conserned about. The main problem however he suspected was muscular not bone and rather that prescribe me a bunch of expensive bad medications or expensive MRIs and x-rays he sent me a to a therepist. Yes i had my doubts about all of this, major dubts in fact. However my first appointment was today and i really like my therepist. Finally i feel as if i have been given answers! :) She explained this mush better than i am about to but she believes that i have a loose disk that is moving and slightly popping out of place and then slipping back in again when i move certain ways and such. Which makes perfect sense with my simptoms and pain. Long story short she is thinking it is going to take only about a month of therepy and back strengthening excersises to train my back to work correctly! So new prayer request. :) That i would have self-discipline to faithfully do my daily excersises and that this therepy would be the solution. Thanks :)

short update :)

If indeed anything conversationally is short with me. :) honestly i feel bad for not blogging in forever and have soooo much i wish to write however i lack the time to say it all. I hope to write in full my thoughts very soon but for now will basically say hi and let you all know im still on the planet. :)
I have been working 10 hr shifts this last week and will again next week but its really not so bad. I am realizing that God has put me in the sterile room for very specific and good reasons. :) He does know best as always. You see, i am discovering that the sterile room is the one extremely busy room on the floor. Because it takes so much longer to pack the implants than to clean them or anything else everything stock piles up in our room and we get stuck with a LOT of overtime and steady work while other temps are getting laid off for lack of work or fired i have a fair amount of job security PLUS overtime pay which really benefits the bill pay. :) My God is sooo good and i thank Him for this job He has blessed me with daily. Plus i am in the one truly air conditioned and super clean room in the factory! :) WIN!
Ok enough about boring work. lol I have seen some incredible sunrises this last week! Two to be precise! And when i say Incredible i mean womatic (which means beyond amazing)! I know i talk about sunrises a lot but i really think God speaks to my heart in a very special and unique way through them! I could go on and on about them down to the last detail but i promised to try and keep this short. So alas something must get cut of and i fear it is the sunrises. :(
Anywho... i have deeper thoughts and and spiritual growths/realizations to share that will simply have to wait for the next blog when i can give them proper time and thought. For now i simply must go to bed. so good night all and God bless!

The truth is.....

The truth is a lot of things..... But of all of the things that it is, most of all it is that i am an impatient person. The truth is that i have pushed my whole life for tomorrow instead of enjoying today. I have daydreamed, fantasized, longed-for, prepared for and consumed my entire energy in what tomorrow will be. Well.... the truth is also that i am finally tired, so so very tired of missing out on today and what God has for me in this immediate season of my life. I reached the climax this last Sunday during the sermon. The funny truth of it is that i don't remember a blessed thing he said, i only remember what it triggered inside of me. And that is the great need for a drastic change. So why am i telling the whole world my confessions? Because i believe that change lasts through accountability. Because we are all made stronger through the prayers and petitions made on our behalf by our brothers and sisters in Christ. Everyone has a breaking point for everything. I have finally reached that breaking point! Does this mean that i will be perfectly patient in all things from here on out? Of course not! It means i will not feed the impatience and daydreaming. That i will make continuous hard efforts with God's help to overcome this discontentment. I am a very driven, determined person when i reach that point that drives me to be. Last summer during an unusually large amount of stress and emotional upset i felt driven to pick up smoking again. The particularly disgusting addiction i picked up the year before and had somewhat quit. However after a week or two of smoking again and despising myself for it i reached that breaking point. So with the accountability of close friends i truly quit and haven't smoked once since then even though i have been sorely tempted too many times to count. I have stayed strong for nine months now and don't plan on turning back ever. What was the difference between the first time i "quit" and the final time? That breaking point that drove me to seek God, accountability and sheer determination. All of this to say that the truth is... i see no difference between quiting smoking and quitting impatience and discontentment. Please pray that God would teach me how to be content and patient. I am finally ready to learn.

i believe that Conglomerate is the adequate word for this post :)

At long last spring has sprung from the icy, death-like grip of winter! Finally my very least two favorite months of the entire year(Feb. and march) are coming to a fast close and my very very VERY favorite two months of the whole wide year(May and June) are just around the corner!!! As always with spring comes an unexplainable excitement to the air! Anything can happen and everything is starting new and fresh! :) And flowers are almost here!!!! look out your window!!!! as i write this very moment green shoots and buds are coming out of hiding! Just think of it! in less than a month all sorts of glorious colors that only My God could design will be bursting forth!!!!! In case you cant tell I LOVE late spring and early summer!!! :) Well not wanting to save the less exciting news for the end i will squish it into the middle really quick. Please pray for me right now that God would give me wisdom for decision making and courage to take the correct action. About three years ago i fells a weird little pop when i picked up a day camper but didn't think much of it. However since then i have been experiencing increasing amounts of pain and physical limitations because of it. I have gone to a chiropractor but she was unable to help me at all and diagnosed me with minor scoliosis of the lower spine. However i have been researching my symptoms and it looks very much like i might have a bulging disc. :( Whatever the case is, I'm trying to decide if i need to get it looked at but am afraid the doctors will get carried away with many expensive tests. Also if i need a surgery for it i have no sick leave of vacation from work at all due to still working through the temp agency. In short there are many unknowns and i am just plain afraid. Please pray for God's very special wisdom and guidance in this matter. Thank you brothers and sisters :) Now back to happier things! :D I heard a wonderful sermon at church today from our guest speaker! He spoke on the book of Jonah and never have i heard a sermon or lesson or anything in witch neither Jonah nor the fish were the main topic of discussion! Instead God and how He guides His plans no matter what we do was the main topic! That we as Christians need to be faithful to whatever God calls us to and to boldly go about the work that God has for us. And what kind of testimony are we silently giving through our actions and obedience or disobedience. (I'm doing a terrible job of doing the sermon justice and properly summing it up) However it really was a fantastic and inspiring sermon! Well i think that is all the big stuff i have for you now. Nothing left but random one sentence tid-bits that i will save for personal conversations. :) Praying for you and looking forward to hearing from you all! Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have a blessed week!

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can,
but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

This song is how i feel and where i am at.
my heart is not broken it is bruised and sore. I do not fully understand the depths of this feeling or where it has arisen from. Who can fully understand the depths of a womens heart? Not even the women herself! God alone can! And it is God who will get me through whatever this is that plagues me so. I dont know if i will ever know or understand so dont ask me about this. Just pray that God would continue to teach me the things i need to learn and that i would be a teachable student. My heart is physcally sore but i will laugh again. God is indeed good! i do not say this lightly or from habit!

Its been a while...

So i used to have the problem of what to write about rather then when to write, however it seems i now always have plenty to write about but no time to write it all down. sigh... Life will always have its little problems will it not? The answer lies not with how to get rid of the problems but rather how to deal with them as they arise. hmmmm.... When and if i ever get good at following that advise i will let you all know. :)
I have now been working at Biomet for a whole month now! My goodness the time sure does pass sooo quickly! I still enjoy my work and while it's true that it is not the best job in the world nor my favorite it is a very good job and i am soooo thankful to God for graciously and lovingly providing it for me. God is good to me!
Spring is finally coming!!! I am soooo very excited for the warm weather and earlier sunrises! :) Summer is my very very favorite season of the year and finally it is just around the corner! :D As i drive to work each morning at 6:30 i always head east and am newly being greeted by the first rays of early morning light! God leaves me in rapture at His beauty displayed through creation! I think i am convinced that there is hardly anything more beautiful and energizing than a sunrise. And i am not talking about the last 10 min of it at 8 am i am talking about the dark blue night slowly fading to light blue on one side of the sky while the west is still cloaked in darkness. Then the blue turns into pinks and purple shades. Every minute the colors literally change! Then the very first rays of gold creep up from the horizon and the world begins to sparkle! The birds begin to sing and you feel as if no one else is on earth! It is just you and God! Yes, i believe that sunrise is indeed the most beautiful time of the day and the most beautiful place on earth! It is well worth getting up to see some day! Try it sometime! Get up before the crack of dawn (literally lol) and find somewhere you can simply watch it from begging to end. :) each one is different from the previous day!
Isn't life funny? One day you can be crying your eyes out feeling as if there is no way you can ever endure one more day of the task at hand and then the next you can be filled with joy and actually being an encouragement to someone else! God seems to know the perfect amount of what we need and when. He never gives us more than we can handle (even if it feels like it sometimes). My God is good and perfect! Yes, i still find myself needing to be reminded of that often.
I was recently asked the question, has outfitters effected your life and if so how? It is a question i have actually asked myself many times and already knew the answer to. In answer to the first part of the question, has outfitters effected my life i have to give a resounding Yes! In answer to the second part the answer is a bit longer. I believe that the outfitter program is what God used to build my Christian foundation for the rest of my life! yes i have been saved since a small child but i have not truly lived like it until the summer i turned 19. That summer God moved in my life and convicted my of many things, i finally listened and fully gave my life to Him for the first time. Then i went to college for a year and though i learned much i sadly slumped back a bit in my zeal for change that i had obtained that summer. There was so much about my life and the way i thought and spoke and treated people that needed to change that i was oblivious to. Then God brought me into outfitters and used that year and Trevor and Laurie Wickes and Mindy Hamilton specifically to show me many things that needed changing. But They didn't leave it at showing me what was wrong with me as so often had been the case in my life but rather how to change as well! Through example they showed me what living for God can look like! Their attitudes were infectious! I have discovered that once you taste the true goodness of living inside of God's will and favor a true obedient child of Him you don't even want to go back to the way life was before. And don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't those people themselves but God using them in my life! No i did not change overnight or even quickly for that matter. It was definitely a long process that took the whole year and is still taking place even! In the course of outfitters i was rebuked, called out on things, confronted, disciplined, prayed for, helped, lead by the hand and most of all truly loved! I was taught things of the Bible and how to study it for myself, i was given the tools to go out in the world and follow Christ on my own and seek Him personally. I was asked to define my worldview, to write out my whole testimony, to establish my faith as my own. I was not so much taught but more shown the importance of seeking God on a daily basis personally and what that does for us spiritually. In the course of a year God used the outfitters to help me establish a very personal and strong foundation on Him that will last me a lifetime! I am so thankful for such an opportunity to do that! The next question that naturally arises to my brain is what next? Now that outfitters is over for me what is next in my life? I laugh that i have only just now fully realized the answer to that question! :D Well i have a foundation so the obvious answer would be to build the house! Then of course it needs to be furnished, and landscaped....etc! God is not finished with me yet! I am excited to see what kind of house He desires to build on this foundation that He has established within my heart! :)

God really takes such good care of me!

It's true, i was unmistakably reminded this morning of how good of a caretaker my God is. Last night i was Marathoning the 1st season of NCIS with my mom that we had just gotten. Being very tired i decided to "rest my eyes" ...... well we all know how that ends. :) sure enough i fell asleep and not just asleep I'm talking about knocked out, dead to the world, gone!!!! Apparently i was more tired than i expected. Getting to the point though, i was never woken up and had no alarms set. The next thing i know i wake up with a start , still on the couch everything is dark and quiet and i am very disoriented but feeling rested and awake. That's right i slept there all night and woke up the next morning! However i had to be to work at 7 today and i ran to the nearest clock holding my breath..... i look and it is 6 o'clock on the nose!!!!! The exact time at which i have to get up every day! God was my alarm clock and woke me up to the second of when i needed to be awake and i felt fully rested! My God is good to me! I love seeing evidence of God in my life!!!! I don't deserve the things God does for me and yet He does them because He loves me!!! and i love Him! It's these little things that daily remind me of God's goodness!!!

So much is always happening!

it seems like i can't keep up on this blog with the events that are taking place in my life! God IS good! As many of you know my now i have been able to quit my part-time job at Menards in exchange for a full-time job at Biomet. (its is an orthopedic company) Almost thirty years ago my dad walked in and was hired without and application as a part time janitor. Over the years God blessed him enormously and he has now risen to and engineer as well as head of the intern program they run for the hip department! Now I have been blessed to follow for a little while in my father's footsteps and work for the same company that he has for so many years. I too had the unique opportunity of being hired without an application or interview! God works in wonderous ways! I am continually discovering things i greatly enjoy about my new occupation. For example my job is very important (unlike my retail job). It feels good to have a job that is needed. That people's lives truly depend on how good of a job i do! Its intense and challenging and i really like the challenge! :) In case you do not know i work in the sterill room in the packaging dapartment. Yes, this means that i have to suit up every time i go in there! lol I have to were 2 white puffy hair nets, (the first just covers my hair and the second covers my whole head and down to the bottom of my neck!) then i put on a lab coat that comes to my anckles almost, next i sit on a bench that divides the room, put one booty shoe cover thing on swing my leg over then the same to the next leg. my show cant touch one side of the floor and my covered shoe cant touch the other side of the floor!!! Then i wash my hands for so many seconds in special soap and air dry, then lotionize with special lotion, then put on cotton glove liners, THEN put on rubber gloves up over top of the cuffs of my coat!!! Then in case that wasn't enough i have to rub alcohole on my gloves! this is about a 10 to 15 minute process i do 4 times a day! lol The cleanest factory job ever! lol Those of you who know me may also know that i have never been one to be super maticulous however i am very quickly learning to be so! As i said before lives litterally depend on how good of a job i do. This is because i am the last person to touch the implant before the doctor put it in the patient! I inspect the implant and paper work then double seal it in foam and plastic containers then pass it on to the next department who actually mails it to the hospital. Although my job can be seen as boring i really am enjoying it so far! I hope i havent borred you all with such detailed accounts of my work but i wanted to better explain it for some of you that have asked.
I am still working at the Y but have dropped down to about six hours a week of lifegaurding instead. Which brings me to my biggest prayer request right now, my boss at the Y. It has become a very strenuous relationship and difficult environment to work in. I hope to work things out soon but am a little short on a hope of a good outcome right now. Please pray that we could work out the problems and God would receive the glory of it and that i would really learn the lessons that He is trying to teach me through this. My biggest temptation right now is to just quit! however that is not the best option. :( Yes i am stuggling with patience among other things! Can you tell? lol
Well the weather is starting to warm up! I am soooo excited as i am getting spring fever! Sunday it was actually warm enough to wash my car and vacuum out the inside! it needed it soooo badly! Such a good felling to have a clean car again!
Ok i have written quite enough for one post and will write more later as i think of other things. :) Praying for you!

WOW!

It hasnt been long since i last blogged however soooo much has happened that it feels life its been forever! I will try not to miss anything.
ok so like a week ago not even i have my dad hand my resume into Biomet (which is where he works) not thinking much will happen but wanting to find full time job that pays better than my current job at menards. With low expectations and huge prayers i wait to hear back from Biomet. A few days later i get a call from Biomet saying that they only hire through peoplelink so can i show up Friday at 10 at peoplelink to fill out an application? Also can i be ready to take a drug test and bring proof of identity!? Of course i said YES I CAN!!!! Thank you Lord! So i worked my last day at menards today and i start 1st shift! in the packaging dapartment at Biomet on Monday at 7 am. I laugh now because a few short months ago i would of thought it sooo early to have to wake up at 6 am every day but after months of 4 am for menards this is sleeping in!!!! The benefits are huge for me to switch jobs! Full time work, better pay, closer to home, less or no double trips to town for two jobs so save a lot in gas, once i get hired direct i am elegible for benefits, steady job that i can hopefully work up in, paid holidays, not retail :), no customers to deal with, more comfortable easier dress code that i dont have to buy special clothing for, ........ i think you get the point that i am going to like it here over menards! :) I have God to thank for this job because He definatly did not have to give it to me but He chose to out of His grace and love! Thank you God!!!!!
so in my previous post i told how i got stuck in the ditch when the roads were bone dry. Well i have decided i simply got a step ahead of the blizzard that came a few days later! lol Which i have been doing some thinking about that off road expirience i had and realized some things God showed me through it. One of those things was how much i lack in trusting God to protect me and how fearful i really am!!!!! I have never believed that i struggled with fear! That if i was ever in grave danger it would be nothing because i know that God will keep me safe. Well it funny how fast all of that head knowledge flys out the window the second your put into that real situation! Thats right the second i realized i was completely stuck in the ditch and could do nothing to get myself out that i had absolutly NO control i started freaking out in my head!!! it was the most rediculous i have ever felt in my life! I felt so hepless, alone, and afraid. i was convinced that some creeper was going to find me and smash my car and kidnap me!( this is a little embarrassing to admit but its what i first thought of!) When i was most afraid i trusted God the least! What a terrrible feeling. To have the head knowledge but not be able to have you heart follow what you tell it to! Suddenly i could barelly quote my favorite verse since childhood which is Isaiah 41:10. "So do not fear for i am with you, do not be afraid for i am your God, i will help you, i will strengthen you, i will uphold you with my righteous right hand." However no one kidnapped me and after what seemed like an hour lol help arrived and i really dont think help had ever looked so good in all my life! lol Yes, God showed me that i failed to completely trust him in even the smallest of troubles! How sad! Lord i pray that you would enable me to trust you completely in all things in life, not just the easy stuff that doesn't take much faith! increase my faith Lord! Thank you!
Well i think i hit the major major stuff and i will just have to write again soon if i remember anything i forget. :) God is doing great things in my life! Thank you for your continued prayers! they are blessing! :) Miss you all!

What a weekend!

So there is this new song on the radio that pretty much describes my life right now. It's "This is the Stuff" by Francesca Battistelli.

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please
Cause I can't find my phone

(CHORUS)This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
That's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines
While I'm running behind
(CHORUS)To break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world...

This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what Your doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

yes God has definitely been working on teaching me patience, conquering my frustrations, and yes the one we all love best, humility. :) Suddenly i seem to attract slow drivers, crazy drivers, long long long slow slow slow trains (no exaggeration!) and a host of other random little every-day things that He loves to use for lessons. :) Then to top it off i had a crazy day yesterday.
I had just spent and awesome weekend at camp and was on my way home. However i had decided to go to evening church up there and not want to to back-track to my usual route home asked for the quickest route home from church. well I'm not 5 minutes on the road when suspecting that i missed one of my turns in the dark i decide to turn around. We i swear it looked like a parking lot!!! It was an open space in front of a building lit up with lights and fun of tracks (which i am later to discover were numerous, crisscrossed snowmobile tracks). Any way, i started to pull in when suddenly my whole front end drops down about 6 to 12 inches and I'm stuck. Like not moving at all in forward or reverse! The roads were dry as a bone with no ice in sight! I now had nothing to do but swallow my pride and embarrassment and call my friends who at this point were about 5 minutes away. The outfitters Stephen, Mindy and Carissa graciously came to my rescue and we started digging out my car with snow scrappers in the 14 degree weather! That failing we eventually came up with the bright idea of praying! lol Within about 1 or 2 minutes a car comes up and the guys says he would go get his truck and pull me out!!! :) While he was getting his truck another guy that Stephen actually knew happens to show up and also happens to know a lot about cars! he helps us hook up the guys truck to my car correctly and that truck pulls me out like a loose tooth! :D Thank you God! Why do i always wait so long to ask you for help instead of just going to you in the first place!
It was very embarrassing and humbling! But i am sooooo thankful for my friends and my God That saved me from the ditch!
Of course i got lost 2 times this same night before finally making it home about 2 hours after i wanted to be! What a night!!!
There is another song that came on the radio on my way home after this mess that i thought was cool. Some of the lyrics are this...
If there is any peace
If there is any war
We must all believe
Our lives are not our own
We all belong
God has given us each other
And we will never walk alone
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (We will never walk alone)
In the shelter of each other
We will live
We will live (In the shelter)
It made me think how God has given us each other to help one another! Brothers and Sisters in Christ! I am so thankful for the Brothers and Sisters that God has blessed me with!!! Thank you Lord!!!

boring waste of time?.... only maybe

in my daily job as a lifegaurd i get the unique opportunity to sit for roughly four straight hours and simply watch people and think. its quite easy to get bored out of my mind and feel trapped in this 86 degree windowless room while i tap my toes waiting for the next lifeguard to releave me. The only thing i am aloud to do besides sit or pace is think. so i think. endlessly, randomly, quickly, slowly. I stuggle to pull some thoughts together to complete one whole picture, while other thoughts i ignore, avoid or throw out. Sometimes i find myself thinking about what to think about! yes, the fact is i think, a LOT! The real point i think is that God has finally put me in a place where i cant escape so to speak. The first month i found enough to think about on my own to distract myself. But now i am finally running out of ammo. I cant distract myself, "get busy", run away, avoid, or anything else! God has me right where He wants me and i am finally starting to listen. Yes, believe it or not lifegaurding is slowly becoming a time of sweet communion with God! How great is my God that He can so perfectly orchestrate my life to exactly what i need?! While i may not be able to delve into reading the scriptures or praying on my knees with my eyes shut or running up and down the streets proclaiming His name i can dwell on lessons He is teaching me, pray for those around me, work on devotions in my head that i am preparing to share, ect. ect. ect. My God is great indeed!!!!

Its been a while!

Wow! so its been a while, OK a long long time since i have written to you all (whoever you all are). My apologies. So much has changed in my life(if you are not up to date on the major stuff just ask me and it will be easier for me to update you verbally). In short i live at home now instead of Bair Lake Bible Camp and i now work part-time at Menards and part-time at the YMCA. (yes the YMCA song does frequent my brain rather often and yes after a month or so i have finally been able to tune out the Menards commercials that they play every 10 minutes. :) God is indeed good and has blessed me far beyond my hopes and dreams! Within a two or so month period God took away everything familiar from me, my job, future plans, friends, my own place to live, easy daily interactions with close and loved mentors, my sponsorship, and so much more. He allowed the devil to lie to me about what was happening and why, to hurt me emotionally, to confuse the life out of me, and hurt me emotionally! BUT!!! threw it all the entire time MY Heavenly Father who loves me beyond my imagination stood by me, encouraged me, answered my prayers, increased my faith, provided for me, loved me, was patient with me, put me in situations that would cause me to grow in him, kept me safe, continued to show me how wise and loving my parents really are, provided a new place for me to live(back home), provided me with three jobs so that i could actually pick which two i wanted to work!, my dream car!(a VW Jetta), opportunities to stay in touch and see my good friends and mentors, And oh sooooo much more!!!!!! MY God is Great! Awesome in Power! and Holy beyond all measure! He loves me and knows me intimately! I am in increasing awe of Him daily!
One of my great fears in moving home from an intense discipleship program was that i would lose my fervor for the Lord and not grow in the same way spiritually, that i would not be fed as well as lack personal discipline regarding spiritual matters! A legitimate fear. However i seem to be growing in the same leaps and bounds as before. Through letters from friends and mentors, personal quiet times, books i have been challenged to read, growing relationship with my parents and siblings, and time with my home church! Yes, it is a shockingly different atmosphere, but God is still using it!
It's true that life is no picnic however, i find many things daily to complain about and often to fall to this temptation, however with your and my prayers and God's grace i am determined to tackle this temptation to complain. Please pray for me is this regard as well that i would take perfect joy from where God has me now and not try to rush to the next step in life before i have made it through the current one. Thank you for your prayers! Please let me know if there is something i can pray for you about! :) Iron sharpens iron according to scripture, and brothers are to encourage one another in the Lord! How may i encourage you today?
Thank you for taking time to read this, i hope you were encouraged by a testimony of God's great goodness! :) God bless!