ok its been waaay longer than i promised! :(

Ok a lot of things have been going on but all little things that i havent take time to mention. However i have an answer to pray as of today! :) a while back i blogged about the lower ack pain i have been having and my fears in relation to that. Well a week or two back i finally saw a doctor about it after putting it off for two + years. Anywho he confirmed that i did have a minor case of scoliosis but that it really wasn't anything to be conserned about. The main problem however he suspected was muscular not bone and rather that prescribe me a bunch of expensive bad medications or expensive MRIs and x-rays he sent me a to a therepist. Yes i had my doubts about all of this, major dubts in fact. However my first appointment was today and i really like my therepist. Finally i feel as if i have been given answers! :) She explained this mush better than i am about to but she believes that i have a loose disk that is moving and slightly popping out of place and then slipping back in again when i move certain ways and such. Which makes perfect sense with my simptoms and pain. Long story short she is thinking it is going to take only about a month of therepy and back strengthening excersises to train my back to work correctly! So new prayer request. :) That i would have self-discipline to faithfully do my daily excersises and that this therepy would be the solution. Thanks :)

short update :)

If indeed anything conversationally is short with me. :) honestly i feel bad for not blogging in forever and have soooo much i wish to write however i lack the time to say it all. I hope to write in full my thoughts very soon but for now will basically say hi and let you all know im still on the planet. :)
I have been working 10 hr shifts this last week and will again next week but its really not so bad. I am realizing that God has put me in the sterile room for very specific and good reasons. :) He does know best as always. You see, i am discovering that the sterile room is the one extremely busy room on the floor. Because it takes so much longer to pack the implants than to clean them or anything else everything stock piles up in our room and we get stuck with a LOT of overtime and steady work while other temps are getting laid off for lack of work or fired i have a fair amount of job security PLUS overtime pay which really benefits the bill pay. :) My God is sooo good and i thank Him for this job He has blessed me with daily. Plus i am in the one truly air conditioned and super clean room in the factory! :) WIN!
Ok enough about boring work. lol I have seen some incredible sunrises this last week! Two to be precise! And when i say Incredible i mean womatic (which means beyond amazing)! I know i talk about sunrises a lot but i really think God speaks to my heart in a very special and unique way through them! I could go on and on about them down to the last detail but i promised to try and keep this short. So alas something must get cut of and i fear it is the sunrises. :(
Anywho... i have deeper thoughts and and spiritual growths/realizations to share that will simply have to wait for the next blog when i can give them proper time and thought. For now i simply must go to bed. so good night all and God bless!

The truth is.....

The truth is a lot of things..... But of all of the things that it is, most of all it is that i am an impatient person. The truth is that i have pushed my whole life for tomorrow instead of enjoying today. I have daydreamed, fantasized, longed-for, prepared for and consumed my entire energy in what tomorrow will be. Well.... the truth is also that i am finally tired, so so very tired of missing out on today and what God has for me in this immediate season of my life. I reached the climax this last Sunday during the sermon. The funny truth of it is that i don't remember a blessed thing he said, i only remember what it triggered inside of me. And that is the great need for a drastic change. So why am i telling the whole world my confessions? Because i believe that change lasts through accountability. Because we are all made stronger through the prayers and petitions made on our behalf by our brothers and sisters in Christ. Everyone has a breaking point for everything. I have finally reached that breaking point! Does this mean that i will be perfectly patient in all things from here on out? Of course not! It means i will not feed the impatience and daydreaming. That i will make continuous hard efforts with God's help to overcome this discontentment. I am a very driven, determined person when i reach that point that drives me to be. Last summer during an unusually large amount of stress and emotional upset i felt driven to pick up smoking again. The particularly disgusting addiction i picked up the year before and had somewhat quit. However after a week or two of smoking again and despising myself for it i reached that breaking point. So with the accountability of close friends i truly quit and haven't smoked once since then even though i have been sorely tempted too many times to count. I have stayed strong for nine months now and don't plan on turning back ever. What was the difference between the first time i "quit" and the final time? That breaking point that drove me to seek God, accountability and sheer determination. All of this to say that the truth is... i see no difference between quiting smoking and quitting impatience and discontentment. Please pray that God would teach me how to be content and patient. I am finally ready to learn.

i believe that Conglomerate is the adequate word for this post :)

At long last spring has sprung from the icy, death-like grip of winter! Finally my very least two favorite months of the entire year(Feb. and march) are coming to a fast close and my very very VERY favorite two months of the whole wide year(May and June) are just around the corner!!! As always with spring comes an unexplainable excitement to the air! Anything can happen and everything is starting new and fresh! :) And flowers are almost here!!!! look out your window!!!! as i write this very moment green shoots and buds are coming out of hiding! Just think of it! in less than a month all sorts of glorious colors that only My God could design will be bursting forth!!!!! In case you cant tell I LOVE late spring and early summer!!! :) Well not wanting to save the less exciting news for the end i will squish it into the middle really quick. Please pray for me right now that God would give me wisdom for decision making and courage to take the correct action. About three years ago i fells a weird little pop when i picked up a day camper but didn't think much of it. However since then i have been experiencing increasing amounts of pain and physical limitations because of it. I have gone to a chiropractor but she was unable to help me at all and diagnosed me with minor scoliosis of the lower spine. However i have been researching my symptoms and it looks very much like i might have a bulging disc. :( Whatever the case is, I'm trying to decide if i need to get it looked at but am afraid the doctors will get carried away with many expensive tests. Also if i need a surgery for it i have no sick leave of vacation from work at all due to still working through the temp agency. In short there are many unknowns and i am just plain afraid. Please pray for God's very special wisdom and guidance in this matter. Thank you brothers and sisters :) Now back to happier things! :D I heard a wonderful sermon at church today from our guest speaker! He spoke on the book of Jonah and never have i heard a sermon or lesson or anything in witch neither Jonah nor the fish were the main topic of discussion! Instead God and how He guides His plans no matter what we do was the main topic! That we as Christians need to be faithful to whatever God calls us to and to boldly go about the work that God has for us. And what kind of testimony are we silently giving through our actions and obedience or disobedience. (I'm doing a terrible job of doing the sermon justice and properly summing it up) However it really was a fantastic and inspiring sermon! Well i think that is all the big stuff i have for you now. Nothing left but random one sentence tid-bits that i will save for personal conversations. :) Praying for you and looking forward to hearing from you all! Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have a blessed week!

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can,
but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

This song is how i feel and where i am at.
my heart is not broken it is bruised and sore. I do not fully understand the depths of this feeling or where it has arisen from. Who can fully understand the depths of a womens heart? Not even the women herself! God alone can! And it is God who will get me through whatever this is that plagues me so. I dont know if i will ever know or understand so dont ask me about this. Just pray that God would continue to teach me the things i need to learn and that i would be a teachable student. My heart is physcally sore but i will laugh again. God is indeed good! i do not say this lightly or from habit!

Its been a while...

So i used to have the problem of what to write about rather then when to write, however it seems i now always have plenty to write about but no time to write it all down. sigh... Life will always have its little problems will it not? The answer lies not with how to get rid of the problems but rather how to deal with them as they arise. hmmmm.... When and if i ever get good at following that advise i will let you all know. :)
I have now been working at Biomet for a whole month now! My goodness the time sure does pass sooo quickly! I still enjoy my work and while it's true that it is not the best job in the world nor my favorite it is a very good job and i am soooo thankful to God for graciously and lovingly providing it for me. God is good to me!
Spring is finally coming!!! I am soooo very excited for the warm weather and earlier sunrises! :) Summer is my very very favorite season of the year and finally it is just around the corner! :D As i drive to work each morning at 6:30 i always head east and am newly being greeted by the first rays of early morning light! God leaves me in rapture at His beauty displayed through creation! I think i am convinced that there is hardly anything more beautiful and energizing than a sunrise. And i am not talking about the last 10 min of it at 8 am i am talking about the dark blue night slowly fading to light blue on one side of the sky while the west is still cloaked in darkness. Then the blue turns into pinks and purple shades. Every minute the colors literally change! Then the very first rays of gold creep up from the horizon and the world begins to sparkle! The birds begin to sing and you feel as if no one else is on earth! It is just you and God! Yes, i believe that sunrise is indeed the most beautiful time of the day and the most beautiful place on earth! It is well worth getting up to see some day! Try it sometime! Get up before the crack of dawn (literally lol) and find somewhere you can simply watch it from begging to end. :) each one is different from the previous day!
Isn't life funny? One day you can be crying your eyes out feeling as if there is no way you can ever endure one more day of the task at hand and then the next you can be filled with joy and actually being an encouragement to someone else! God seems to know the perfect amount of what we need and when. He never gives us more than we can handle (even if it feels like it sometimes). My God is good and perfect! Yes, i still find myself needing to be reminded of that often.
I was recently asked the question, has outfitters effected your life and if so how? It is a question i have actually asked myself many times and already knew the answer to. In answer to the first part of the question, has outfitters effected my life i have to give a resounding Yes! In answer to the second part the answer is a bit longer. I believe that the outfitter program is what God used to build my Christian foundation for the rest of my life! yes i have been saved since a small child but i have not truly lived like it until the summer i turned 19. That summer God moved in my life and convicted my of many things, i finally listened and fully gave my life to Him for the first time. Then i went to college for a year and though i learned much i sadly slumped back a bit in my zeal for change that i had obtained that summer. There was so much about my life and the way i thought and spoke and treated people that needed to change that i was oblivious to. Then God brought me into outfitters and used that year and Trevor and Laurie Wickes and Mindy Hamilton specifically to show me many things that needed changing. But They didn't leave it at showing me what was wrong with me as so often had been the case in my life but rather how to change as well! Through example they showed me what living for God can look like! Their attitudes were infectious! I have discovered that once you taste the true goodness of living inside of God's will and favor a true obedient child of Him you don't even want to go back to the way life was before. And don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't those people themselves but God using them in my life! No i did not change overnight or even quickly for that matter. It was definitely a long process that took the whole year and is still taking place even! In the course of outfitters i was rebuked, called out on things, confronted, disciplined, prayed for, helped, lead by the hand and most of all truly loved! I was taught things of the Bible and how to study it for myself, i was given the tools to go out in the world and follow Christ on my own and seek Him personally. I was asked to define my worldview, to write out my whole testimony, to establish my faith as my own. I was not so much taught but more shown the importance of seeking God on a daily basis personally and what that does for us spiritually. In the course of a year God used the outfitters to help me establish a very personal and strong foundation on Him that will last me a lifetime! I am so thankful for such an opportunity to do that! The next question that naturally arises to my brain is what next? Now that outfitters is over for me what is next in my life? I laugh that i have only just now fully realized the answer to that question! :D Well i have a foundation so the obvious answer would be to build the house! Then of course it needs to be furnished, and landscaped....etc! God is not finished with me yet! I am excited to see what kind of house He desires to build on this foundation that He has established within my heart! :)

God really takes such good care of me!

It's true, i was unmistakably reminded this morning of how good of a caretaker my God is. Last night i was Marathoning the 1st season of NCIS with my mom that we had just gotten. Being very tired i decided to "rest my eyes" ...... well we all know how that ends. :) sure enough i fell asleep and not just asleep I'm talking about knocked out, dead to the world, gone!!!! Apparently i was more tired than i expected. Getting to the point though, i was never woken up and had no alarms set. The next thing i know i wake up with a start , still on the couch everything is dark and quiet and i am very disoriented but feeling rested and awake. That's right i slept there all night and woke up the next morning! However i had to be to work at 7 today and i ran to the nearest clock holding my breath..... i look and it is 6 o'clock on the nose!!!!! The exact time at which i have to get up every day! God was my alarm clock and woke me up to the second of when i needed to be awake and i felt fully rested! My God is good to me! I love seeing evidence of God in my life!!!! I don't deserve the things God does for me and yet He does them because He loves me!!! and i love Him! It's these little things that daily remind me of God's goodness!!!